Recently I had the opportunity to host a local pastor fellowship meeting with about 16 pastors and their wives present. I had chosen the topic study of the age demographics of our church and which areas we are excelling at and which areas we are missing the boat. The begin I drew a pie chart on the board and divided it into quarters labeling them Kids, Teens, Adults, and Seniors to represent the basic areas of ministry a church has. Having said little more, I wanted to stir a little discussion and asked, "Which areas do you find the American church as a whole is doing a good job in, and which areas do you feel we are lacking in?" A few Pastors who are obviously blind to American church trends said, "I don't know that we can really answer that..." Then rose a voice above the rest saying, "Randy, I can see where you are going with this and I disagree with what you are about to say!" He went on telling me why he disagreed with what I was about to say however, I hadn't said anything yet for him to disagree with! For the next several minutes I allowed him to dig a whole as he told all about why he didn't agree with me. In his speech he received many affirming gestures and remarks from other Pastor's present.
Immediately a fence was built down the middle of our group; on one side was everyone who agreed with what he said, and the other group on the side of what I said... although I hadn't said anything, and frankly, I was on his side because he said what I was about to say. Once his whole was deep enough and my blood was boiling enough I interjected as calmly as I could, "_____, You started your speech saying to disagreed with me. I am wondering, the question was, 'Which areas is the church doing good at and which areas is it failing?' What is your answer to this?" After he then answered the question and I asked him this, "Okay, now which areas did you expect me to pick?" After back peddling and denying he every claimed to disagree with me he was bound to an answer but, it was the same answer that he had given! He vehemently said he disagreed with me, took five minutes to tell me why he disagreed with me, and then says that he thinks I agree with him! I am not one to get mad but on the inside my blood was boiling!!! No matter what I said the rest of the meeting I knew that since all I did was retold what he had just said, it sounding like I was only following his direction and not presenting it as my own... the fence was already erected and though we were on the same side it was still dividing. To his credit he did publicly apologize, but that did little for me.
Throughout the afternoon and evening I couldn't get the incident out of my mind. The next day I couldn't get it out of my mind. I got little sleep either of those nights because of the who ordeal, but I knew it wasn't right. God continued to pound my mind with verses like Luke 17.3b-4 If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him. It kept through my mind like a Christmas list through the mind of a child. The verse, the ordeal, the apology, the fence... it was all consuming until I finally had to claim victory. It was not God who was wanting me to hold a grudge, it was Satan! I was holding myself victim to a man that simply made a fool of himself in front of his colleagues. I was allowing his foolish action to plague me and keep me from sleep! Satan was throwing this back into my face and keeping me down.
Lying in bed getting no sleep for the second night in a row I finally had to claim victory over defeat and release this from me. God had been prompting me to give it up all along with the scriptures he brought to my mind, but I wasn't done with it yet. Finally, laying there in the stillness of the night I mentally took my hands off from around the man's neck that I had been wringing for the last days and in turn released the bonds of bitterness and unforgiveness.
Sharing my personal struggle with you is not to tattle on anyone. I get the overwhelming feeling that many of our readers are also holding on to something in their life that they need to let go of. Something of the past is dragging you down in the present. You are not only hurting yourself in self-bondage, you are limiting the work of God in your life, and allowing someone else's foolish actions to control yours. Release yourself from their grasp today.
Immediately a fence was built down the middle of our group; on one side was everyone who agreed with what he said, and the other group on the side of what I said... although I hadn't said anything, and frankly, I was on his side because he said what I was about to say. Once his whole was deep enough and my blood was boiling enough I interjected as calmly as I could, "_____, You started your speech saying to disagreed with me. I am wondering, the question was, 'Which areas is the church doing good at and which areas is it failing?' What is your answer to this?" After he then answered the question and I asked him this, "Okay, now which areas did you expect me to pick?" After back peddling and denying he every claimed to disagree with me he was bound to an answer but, it was the same answer that he had given! He vehemently said he disagreed with me, took five minutes to tell me why he disagreed with me, and then says that he thinks I agree with him! I am not one to get mad but on the inside my blood was boiling!!! No matter what I said the rest of the meeting I knew that since all I did was retold what he had just said, it sounding like I was only following his direction and not presenting it as my own... the fence was already erected and though we were on the same side it was still dividing. To his credit he did publicly apologize, but that did little for me.
Throughout the afternoon and evening I couldn't get the incident out of my mind. The next day I couldn't get it out of my mind. I got little sleep either of those nights because of the who ordeal, but I knew it wasn't right. God continued to pound my mind with verses like Luke 17.3b-4 If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him. It kept through my mind like a Christmas list through the mind of a child. The verse, the ordeal, the apology, the fence... it was all consuming until I finally had to claim victory. It was not God who was wanting me to hold a grudge, it was Satan! I was holding myself victim to a man that simply made a fool of himself in front of his colleagues. I was allowing his foolish action to plague me and keep me from sleep! Satan was throwing this back into my face and keeping me down.
Lying in bed getting no sleep for the second night in a row I finally had to claim victory over defeat and release this from me. God had been prompting me to give it up all along with the scriptures he brought to my mind, but I wasn't done with it yet. Finally, laying there in the stillness of the night I mentally took my hands off from around the man's neck that I had been wringing for the last days and in turn released the bonds of bitterness and unforgiveness.
Sharing my personal struggle with you is not to tattle on anyone. I get the overwhelming feeling that many of our readers are also holding on to something in their life that they need to let go of. Something of the past is dragging you down in the present. You are not only hurting yourself in self-bondage, you are limiting the work of God in your life, and allowing someone else's foolish actions to control yours. Release yourself from their grasp today.
