Getting Along: Conflict Resolution.

You won't get a long with everyone you meet. Duh.

You won't be friends with everyone we get along with. Okay.

You won't get along with everyone we have to live with. Ain't that the truth.

You were told, "Live peaceably with all men" and "Blessed are the peacemakers." Yeah, but...

No matter how we look at it we don't get along with everyone and there are times in life we can't get away from the people we neither like nor get along with. That is just a part of life. Jesus told us in the Sermon on the Mount that there is a blessing though for people who are peacemakers. Paul instructed us that as much as possible we are to live peaceably with all men. This is not instruction that is easy or enjoyable, but necessary to grow in God's love and ways. Humans relationship are what often stand between us and God. If we are not living peaceably with our fellow man, it will be live within the peace of God. There is a common solution but it is not easy.

Conflict between people is likely because of one or more of these reasons: We do not like the way the person is acting or has acted. We do not like the rationale a person has or has had. We do not like the influences that person has upon them. Or, we don't like the choices the person has made, is making , or is about to make. If you think of the people you have conflict with you will agree that the conflict lies in at least one of these areas. Did you notice though that so far everything has to do with the other person. Of course, because in your mind you are automatically correct and the other person is wrong; thus you have a conflict.

I do not want to trivialize your conflict but there are steps to resolve the issue and the are not: 1. I'm right. 2. You're wrong. 3. Get used to it. NO! That only leads to a bigger problem but we like to do those three much more because they are easy and put us in a position of power.

Here are some much better steps which can help, they are all questions to ask yourself... Now, before I tell you them I want to point out that this is all within the bounds of "generally speaking" and they must be looked at as a basic outline for you to custom tailor to your conflict without changing the intent or thought behind them.

1. What type of relationship is this?

2. What is my God given role within this type of relationship?

3. What can I learn/How is God bettering me through this conflict?

4. What action can I take to resolve this conflict without stepping out of the bounds of my role within the relationship?

5. How can I change to resolve this conflict?

6. How can I praise God for this conflict?

I agree that at face value this looks like it would solve nothing because it never even asks the question of "What is the conflict?" but let me give you a scenario that that is a true happening with my counsel to a teenager this week. The issue was that they could not get along with one or more of their parents and here is how these questions were used to resolve the conflict without me every knowing what any of the specific conflicts might be. (I still don't know what they were, it didn't matter.)

"I just don't know what to do... I a just can't get along with my [parent]" is what was told to me. Obviously then I knew that this was a conflict within a parent-child relationship, pointed this out to the person and went on to question number two. This person knows some basic Bible so I asked, "What are you God given role in your relationship? What does God tell you to do as your role within it?" and I had them look up Exodus 20.12 and Ephesians 6.1-3. It took a little while but the response came, "Obey your parents." They didn't really like hearing it but it was true and no matter how much it wasn't liked you can't really argue that instruction if your parents are creating you to break God's moral or spiritual laws. It was made clear that I was not trying to come down hard on anyone or take any ones side in the issue except for God's and we moved on to the next question. "How can God better me through this conflict?" Pretty soon answers came; learning to listen to authority. learning to get a long with people. learning to submit. humility. The list could go on and on... but it hadn't been thought of like this before.
In life we like to look at how we are being wronged and mistreated... victims to everyone and everything, instead of as over comers who can take any situation and see it as a chance that God is strengthening us. Once we had established that this was a way for God to better our lives; even through conflict, then we could move toward possible resolutions because now we had the correct perspective.
"What action can I take to resolve this conflict without stepping out of the bounds of my role within the relationship?" There were some suggested actions mentioned and discussed but some quite different then they would have been if we had not already established our roles and perspective. Then came the kicker, the point that we hate the most because it reverse our nature and selfish way of thinking. We asked the question "How can I change to resolve this conflict?" You can't consider this question if you are still thinking you are right and they are wrong and that is it! Sure, they may be wrong, and you may be right but one thing still stands: you can't change them but you can change yourself. In the case with this teenager and likely with yours, both parties were wanting to be in charge but when you examine the God given roles it was not both of their positions to be in charge. Again, if you hadn't already established the roles you couldn't get to this question. This all leads us to the last question, "How can I praise God for this conflict?" When you resolve a conflict you will find out that it has only strengthened your relationship regardless of who may have had the biggest peace of humble pie to swallow. If it were not for the conflict your relationship would not be as strong as it is afterward and for that you need to thank God... but please, don't see this as an excuse to create another conflict, they will come again soon enough.

God did not intend for his prized creation to live continually at odds with each other so don't. Seek peace with God, man, and even your family. Focus on what God has done and is doing even in the face of conflict and praise him for it. No one would ever have victory it there had never been a war.

Becoming a Gladiator

Monday nights is Gladiator night; regular athletes get to take on a breed of seemingly super-humans in an arena that is designed to press your limits. Thousands show up to see this in person and millions tune in via television. We are fascinated to see limits pressed and effort given. Most of us sit on the couch being the bench warming coaches we've becoming, telling the contenders exactly what to do and how they "should" be doing things when they are likely doing better than we ever could.

June of 2008 my family had our first family vacation ever and enjoyed every minute of it. We took our churches teenagers up to Lake Ann Camp in Lake Ann, MI, and stayed the week ourselves in a beautiful log cabin on the camp's grounds. We did not have much interaction with our teen campers but did see them from time to time. One such occasion was as they were scaling "Goliath". Goliath, named after the giant whom David overcame but the hand of God, is a Gladiator style 4o' tall climbing course that is straight up. You begin on the ground and climb a 10' rope ladder to a swaying 4x6 beam held by cables between two trees. Above that beam 4' is another beam, then another at 6' above that, and another at 8' above that. Above the top beam by 10' is a bell hanging just waiting to be rung. All of this held together by cables and is swaying at every breath of wind. 4 people at a time would scale this behemoth and attempt to ring the bell at the top; but there is more to it than that.

Lake Ann makes it a point to show the campers that God is in every part of our life, and every part of our life should reflect God. So what does "Goliath" have to do with God?

Before climbing a goal was set. Each group had to determine what there level of completion would be, how much were they going to conquer; would they sell themselves short or press themselves all the way? This is paralleled to the issues we face in life and temptations that try to get us to sell short in our walk with God. The course was assembled so that you could not complete it on your own, even if you were an American Gladiator; you had to rely on the people around you. Team work and trust were key elements to reach the top and have 100% completion, just as it is in our Christian walk. We can try to run a strong Christian walk all alone, but that is not how God designed it, we are a body and must work as a community to encourage and support each other to reach for God and draw closer to Him. So, where is the "God" in this Goliath thing? Each person had to strap on a harness before climbing; there's God. See, no matter how bad the climbers may mess up and even fall, they would be caught. Yes, they may lose some ground and have to re-climb some areas they had already conquered, but they were safe and secure in the harness. (The boole' rope holding the harness was also held by other teen campers on their team, talk about trust.)

Such is true in our walk with God. We watch others around us and tell them how to run their Christian walk just like we sit on our couch and tell the contenders how to compete with the Gladiators, when we are the one on the sidelines, and they are the ones in the action. We must take the step to begin climbing the "Goliath's" in our lives and realize that there is support and encouragement around us in the body of Christ, and that God will be there to for us in case we may slip and lose some ground. Remember, "Not succeeding because you are afraid to fail is failure also. Begin to overcome the Goliath's in your life today.

And for you who are thinking I am just a sideline couch for Goliath and couldn't have done it myself... While I was watching our group the camp director told me they were one person short for the next group and asked if I could do it with them. I did.

Why Did God Create Evil?

"Our teens have a lot of questions..." is the words that came out of our teen Sunday School teachers mouth on Sunday morning back a few months. "They are really questioning everything about Christianity, God, and Salvation." This conversation did not shock me, I have been working with teenagers now for 9 years and have found that the 13-18 year range is a transition period of youth. Up until now they have seemingly blindly followed what their parents believed. The teen years is an eye opening turning point of them having the choice of what to believe, and somehow whatever their parents have always believed will many times appear archaic and outdated. So, what are we doing about this?
This summer we are letting our teens decide what we teach to them. No, we are not going to change the Bible or its message to say that teens are always right and parents are always raging buffoons; we are taking all of their questions and answering a few of them each week using the Bible as our answer source.
Last week we took up the first round of questions and there was one question that was dominating the question pool. No one knew what another person asked but there was a lot of people wondering, "If God created everything, why did He create evil?" Some even went on the write a story on their question card about a baby that had died in their family or a godly person who came down with a disease. This is a good question which is asked by both teens and adults. So, why did God create evil?
To grasp the answer to this question there is a concept you must understand. There is no such thing as evil. Yes, that is right; there is no such thing as evil. What?! Okay, now you think "Pastor Randy has gone nuts-o on us." So what about Satan? We'll get back to him.
Evil is like darkness and cold, they don't exist. Yes, I have been locked a dark room, and yes, I have been out on a winters day, but yes, I have also had high school chemistry where they teach you that there is no such thing as darkness and cold, only levels of light and heat. You can have no light, little light, or a lot of light, but you can not add a measurement of darkness of anything. The same is true with cold; you can only have levels of heat. You can have no heat, little heat, or a lot of heat, but you cannot add "cold" to something. Now, think of this with God and evil. God we know did not intend for evil to be in the world but it is here and it will be until He returns. In the mean time we, through the consequence of sin, cannot not experience the level of God on earth that He intended to be. Instead, we live in a world of lesser levels of God. The more we see unrighteousness, the less God we see. In some places God has been entirely shut out, we know that his spirit is there, but is work is not. In other places there is just a trace of God.
So, what about Satan? Doesn't he work evil? If Satan works evil won't that mean there is such thing as evil and that I was teach heresy when I said there was no such thing as evil? Satan certainly does work evil, but since evil is the absence of God, Satan's work is to lessen the level of God in our lives, our homes,... our world. Satan's goal is to take our focus off from God and push Him more and more out of our lives... thus creating a higher level of evil. Make sense? If not call me.
Okay, so far we have said all of this without cracking the Bible; very dangerous because this teaching is not mine, it is from God and God has given us the Bible. Here's the proof.
1. Genesis 1-3 Mankind was created into a perfect environment where they were able to run, frolic and play freely and were accompanied by God himself. Thus, they were in a place with a high level of God.
2. Romans 5.12 says, "...by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:" Adam and Eve had a high level of God but they also had free-will which gave them the choice to retain the high level of God or give it up; they chose to give it up under the influence of Satan (who remember is out to lessen the level of God.)
3. Notice in Romans 5.12 that sin entered into the WORLD and was passed upon ALL MEN so that ALL have sinned. Do you get the point? Adam cursed the entire human race! Sin did not just send its curse upon one person and enact natural selection, it damned the entire human race. This is very important to remember. The next time you are wondering why a baby died or a godly person got sick you must remember it is because of sin! Sin effects everyone, not just the person who is sinning; we are all sinners and our world is riddled with evil.
4. Romans 5.8-9 "But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him." Did you see that? In Romans 5.12 we were condemned because of sin, but now in v8-9 we are "justified" (cleaned thoroughly of our sins)! We no longer have to live in the condemnation of our sins. Just as one man brought sin upon the entire human race, one man (Jesus Christ) was able to pay the sacrifice and counteract it. It was act of love that made forgiveness possible, it will be an act of "grace through faith" (Eph. 2.8-9) that accepts this forgiveness.

Having said all of that, why do we still have problems after we come to Christ? If Jesus came to reverse the curse of sin on mankind, why do believers still encounter evil? This is simple really, remember what was said the be the highest price in Genesis? Death. There were other things that came along with it, but death was most supreme. For the believer, the greatest penalty of sin is wiped away immediately (eternal death) and we will see the rest of our penalty wiped away when Jesus returns and establishes us to a higher level of God; in his presence of eternity.